I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)
I am unsatisfied with my life at the moment.
That seems like a weird phrase for a seventeen year old girl who is fairly well off in a developed country with beautiful,wonderful friends and family to say. In fact you might think of me as selfish. I’m not starving or trapped in a country torn apart by war, why the hell am I complaining?
And I’m sorry to say that I don’t have anything profound to say to justify what I’m going to say next. Maybe I am selfish, and stupid and ignorant but there you go. I’m sorry.
So here’s some Sarzo confessions. Hi, I’m Sarzo. I am a seventeen year old girl and I have never had a boyfriend, I have never kissed anyone, I don’t even think anyone’s had a crush on me before. I don’t drink, I don’t do any kind of drugs and I don’t really go to parties. I am, in all senses of the phrase, a failure of a youth.
And don’t think that I’m fine with that. I know that you should be happy with who you are and not be ashamed of what you’re like, but I can’t help feeling just that. I’m not exactly ashamed but I just feel unfulfilled. My friends and people in my school, always tell me stories that seem so exciting and adventurous. They have boyfriends and girlfriends, and it all seems so sweet and lovely. One can’t help but feel slightly jealous. Of course I am so undeniably happy for my friends, seeing my friends happy gives me an indescribable amount of joy, but you can’t help but feel a bit left out,you know?
You know what I’m going to blame this feeling on? The Disney channel! Stupid bloody Disney channel with their high school musicals, and their Hannah Montanna’s, making me feel like I am a failure for not finding the love of my life by 16! What the hell is wrong with the people in those shows?! Why are they so head strong about speeding forward their lives? I always thought as a child, indoctrinated my singing teenagers, that by sixteen my life would be so cool. I will go to parties all the time and have so many friends and I may have a boyfriend, but I would have definitely been on dates before. Duhhh…
Well I call bullshit! Because I have to disappoint little me with the fact that I can tick none of those things off my list! And it’s stupid, and so many people have told me before that it’s fine and im lovely and I’ll find someone. And that’s great but it’s not, you know. Because I know a lot of people just think I’m an immature, silly, awkward little fool, and it hurts that that’s kind of true.
It all comes down to comparison. I am the worst culprit of consistent comparison. I compare myself to everybody and thus I never ever feel good enough, and that’s my fault. Everyone’s lives move at different rates, but we are all going to get our own beautiful versions of perfection. I can’t promise you anything soon, I can’t even promise myself anything soon, but I know it will happen if it’s meant to. People may think what they want of me for the moment I guess. I’m too busy sitting home alone watching Netflix to correct them.