The Insecure Amateur

You know what’s difficult to deal with? Being self conscious. You know who’s self conscious a lot? Me. Hi, I’m sarzo and I have terrible self esteem issues. 

Now that’s out in the open, I have to confess that that’s not really the point of this. I’m not trying to forge a sob story for myself and all my issues because I don’t really need or deserve any kind of pity, I guess. It’s a thing. Loads of people. Not just girls. People. Loads of people feel really self conscious and insecure about many aspects of themselves. Their face without makeup, their weight, their muscles, their height, their intelligence, and the list goes infinitely longer. And it’s shit. Really it is. But you wanna know the thing I really thought was interesting? The fact that when you tell someone you, for example, ‘feel like you look ugly that day’, the person is likely to reply with something along the lines of: 

‘No ones going to really be paying attention to you, everyone is concerned about how they look too.’ 

So that made me think, why the heck should that make anything any better? “Don’t feel insecure because everybody is insecure too”? What kind of system is that? Why is this the norm of society? 

It is sad to me that it is expected that everybody is at least a bit self conscious, and I know I myself am just contributing to the sentiment of the statement as I too, as previously mentioned, am very insecure, but you get what I mean. It’s really shit that the way you are meant to feel less anxious about yourself is to soothe yourself with the fact that everyone is just as bad as you. 
And it gets sadder because I know it’s true. I know that people I personally think are amazing and wish I could be friends with, or am so happy I am friends with, probably think something I love about them is awful. And the weird part is, I’ll admit that I am aware that others may think that about me too, but I also know that that doesn’t change my own view of myself. 

It’s all rather problematic and odd, but yet so incredibly simple. The answer is something to do with acceptance and self love and group love and inclusivity. But I’m not gonna lie to you, I have no idea where to start with any of those things. As of right now, I don’t know how to change this thing that’s bothering me. I could compliment people on the things that I love about them, but I know that doesn’t work on me in the long run, so really I don’t know what to do. 

True to my branding this is just my thoughts… of the day… so thanks for hanging on till the end of this shambles of a post I guess… bye?

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